Affective Responsibility: The Key to Happiness
Do you know what affective responsibility
is? Understanding this concept and the importance of being transparent with
your feelings and those of others is an excellent way to have healthier and
more satisfying relationships.
Often, couples are formed by one person who
understands the relationship as severe and long-lasting, while the other
imagines it is just a passing and unimportant thing.
As Antoine de Saint-Exupéry said in The Little Prince, "You become eternally responsible for what you hold captive. Or is this not so?
What is Affective Responsibility?
Affective responsibility is assuming your
role regarding the expectations created in a relationship. After all, it is not
right to encourage a relationship, say that you love the other person, and plan
a future with them, only to decide overnight that you want to end it.
Naturally, someone will eventually rethink
the relationship and decide to end it. This is a risk that everyone takes -
even if, in the heat of the moment, it can be said that the desire is to keep
the person around "forever.
Affective responsibility is an act that
involves rational conversations between adults who are planning a life
together. One must respect the promises made on these terms, what has been
built by the couple, and the consequences that a breakup can bring.
Loving Reciprocity
I will differentiate this concept from
loving reciprocity to help you understand it better. Nobody must reciprocate
another person's feelings if they do not feel the same way.
However, it is necessary to make it clear
from the beginning. Leading a person to believe they are loved and wanted when
they are not is a mistake and irresponsible.
Emotional Responsibility
Emotional responsibility is a broader
concept within which affective responsibility is included.
While affective refers to loving
relationships, passion involves various relationships and behavior.
Being emotionally responsible means understanding how your actions affect the feelings and development of the people around you. It is, for example, being aware of specific topics that are sensitive for a group or individual and avoiding them in a conversation. In this way, your interactions will be constructive, not destructive.
How To Exercise Affective Responsibility?
How do you ensure that the parties involved
are being, in practice, affectively responsible? Below are some tips to help
nurture a healthy relationship and keep the couple on the same page.
Align Expectations
Feelings can be confusing and lead people
to say, think, and do things that only sometimes reflect reality. Still, in the
heat of passion, it is necessary to stop momentarily and reason: what do I
expect from this relationship?
From this definition, it is also good to
ask the same to the other: what do you expect from the relationship? This
alignment of expectations will make the relationship move in the same
direction.
Be Transparent About Your Feelings
What if the other person says they don't
want to commit seriously, but I do? Should I tell the truth or take the
relationship any way I can?
The idea is always to be transparent about
your feelings. When you realize that you have different expectations, you must
stop and think: is it worth continuing with this relationship?
Have Commitment and Empathy
Once expectations are aligned, and the
couple has decided to stay together - whatever the type of agreement made
between them - there must be a commitment to what has been agreed.
Nothing is worse than seeing the trust in
the relationship broken and the bonds severed. Psychologically, the blow can be
significant.
Likewise, you don't want to be responsible
for the other's unhappiness. This is where empathy, another fundamental aspect
of a good relationship, comes in. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and
give them the treatment you want.
Practice Self-Knowledge
Many of the most destructive attitudes in a
relationship do not occur out of malice but when one of the parties does not
understand their feelings, which prevents them from acting more clearly and
sincerely. It is much more challenging to deal with emotions that are not clear
enough.
So, if you have difficulties acting with
affective responsibility in a relationship, try to reflect on
your feelings.
With this, you will understand more deeply
what is causing your impulses and behaviors. Only then can you deal with them
and change for the better.
Learn To Express Yourself Clearly
Of course, having all your feelings clear
inside doesn't do much good if you can't get them out.
How can anyone understand you without you
putting your ideas and emotions into words? If it were possible to read minds
clearly, most relationship problems would not exist.
Learning to express feelings is like
learning a new language. Besides self-knowledge, you need to know the right
words for it, which requires some time to work out.
On top of that, you need to practice to get
a good level of clarity. The sooner you start, the easier it will get.
Keep An Eye on Your Expectations
You must understand what you expect from
this relationship to convey it to the other person. But it is also important to
say that there is a further step after that: understanding whether your
expectations are realistic.
There is no shortage of examples of
relationships where one or the other expects something that cannot be offered,
either because it goes against the partner's expectations or is simply out of
line with reality. There is a point where the expectation becomes a fantasy,
completely unrealistic.
What do you do if you have too many expectations? Then you are faced with a decision: either keep your expectations and wait for someone else to live up to them, or change them and find a middle ground that satisfies you both.
How To Avoid Excessive Individualism in This Process?
In any relationship, excessive
individualism is one of the greatest enemies of affective responsibility.
Should you give up being a single person for a relationship? Certainly not!
However, there is a line that separates individuality from selfishness.
Having a relationship with a self-assured person who knows what you're looking for can be comforting, but it's good to be careful not to impose yourself too much. Every relationship is based on mutual agreements, in which one gives up a little so that both can have more.
What are the Affective States?
An affective state is a sustained and persistent emotion experienced by the subject and expressed in a way that those around him can perceive. Duration: Emotions (The most superficial of the affects).
Is the Affective State the Same as Emotion?
Feelings are affective states of lower intensity than emotions but of longer duration. Emotion always comes first. Without emotion, there will be no feeling. The same sentiment can awaken different feelings in a person.
What is Affective Behavior?
Affective behavior is a type of interaction
whose consequence is that the individual's response is affected by an event,
object, or another individual with whom they interact, mainly at the
intra-organic and smooth muscle levels.
What Does it Mean to be Emotionally Responsible?
Emotionally responsible means that our
actions have consequences on other people. Therefore, we must pay attention to
how we relate, applying the respect, communication, empathy, and care that each
bond requires.
In any relationship, whether family,
friendship, couple, or sexual, and more or less long in time, people understand
the need for it.
Affective responsibility leads us to
consider the other person and their emotions, although not to take
responsibility for them.
Emotional bonds involve satisfaction, attachments, dilemmas, and conflicts when establishing intimate interpersonal relationships.
How To Recognize the Lack of Affective Responsibility
Affective responsibility is paramount to
any relationship, whether it is a love affair, a friendship, a family
relationship, or a working relationship. In other words, it is essential in any
situation.
The lack of affective responsibility is
evident in lies and all kinds of betrayal, selfish behavior, and psychological
abuse.
It is very much related to exposing the
other to unnecessary suffering that could have been avoided if the
"affectively irresponsible" person had had a minimum of care and
respect."
Final Thought
Do you now understand what affective
responsibility is and why it is essential? Respect for the emotions of the
people we are in a relationship with is necessary not only for the happiness of
others but also for our emotional fulfillment.
Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness is in our lives.